


The pain in my head just doesn't feel real

by Never_A_Character



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Anger, Angst, Episode Tag S01 E04, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Cyberwoman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 06:37:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_A_Character/pseuds/Never_A_Character
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Cyberwoman in my headcanon. That's honestly pretty much it.</p><p>Written back in 2011</p>
            </blockquote>





	The pain in my head just doesn't feel real

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick warning that Ianto does get a little distressed during this so if that's at all trigger-y for you, you may want to watch out for that. Jack does lose it a bit too :( my babies! What are they doing to themselves? Can't they just stay together and be happy forever?

They stood there for a while, all watching Ianto’s grief except Gwen, who had turned away, as if ashamed of what she had done.

 _And so she should be,_ thought Ianto, though in his heart he knew that they had done the right thing after hearing Lisa _(no, not Lisa – that wasn’t her)_ suggest that they could be upgraded together. He knew it was all over after she said that and horror had taken over him as he quickly turned around. He would’ve shot, he’d like to believe... Yet he was still thankful that he didn’t have to do it.

“Ianto?”

He looked over at the voice, chest heaving as sobs continued to wrack his body. It was Jack.

“What happened to that Japanese doctor?”

He didn’t think it was possible but he began to shudder even more and looked back at the conversion table.

“Ianto!” The Captain was starting to worry but maintained a forceful voice, “Do we have another Cyberman running about?”

The Welshman miserably shook his head. “H-how do you – know about – him?” he asked between sobs.

“We saw the CCTV of him entering.”

This time it was Toshiko who answered in a kinder voice, which only made Ianto feel all the more guilty.

“There wasn’t any footage of him leaving though, teaboy.” There it was. The spiteful attitude that Ianto deserved to be spoken to with.

Ianto looked up into his boss’ eyes and the latter then decided to take things to the next level. Jack grabbed Ianto by the shoulders and pushed him into the wall.

“What. Happened. To. Him?”  he grunted out.

“Jack... Jack, calm down!” Gwen’s comment, however, did nothing to distract the Captain.

Finally, Jack spoke one word:

“When?”

“The... the first power outage when I... when I said I would fix the boiler...” Ianto looked down, thoroughly ashamed of himself.

“What. Did you. Find?” The aggressive tone was so unlike Jack’s usual flamboyancy that Ianto heard himself whimper.

The Captain pushed him harder against the wall and pointed his gun at Ianto’s head. There were two female gasps and one voice (Ianto could no longer distinguish which because of his loud cries) begged Jack to “please, _please,_ calm down.”

“She... She...” Ianto said among sobs, “She was... thankful. She just... just wanted to... show her gratitude.”

At the end of this Ianto shuddered and found that he was no longer able to hold up his own weight, standing now only because of Jack and the wall’s support.

“What. HAPPENED?”

Between hysterical cries, Ianto managed to choke out, “I... I found him...” before trailing into silence.

“Ianto Jones, you tell me _right_ now!”

“Um,” Owen butted in, “Perhaps this could wait until I can give him sedative or something...” he stopped at the Captain’ murderous glare, “Or perhaps not.”

Ianto decided it was time to try speaking again.

“He was helping her... he brought her back to life and then,” a few shallow breaths accompanied his outcry, “She killed him...which means that... that _I_ killed him!”

Ianto looked straight into his boss’ eyes, trying to convey his guilt, though he wasn’t sure that Jack would be able to see it through all the tears that blurred Ianto’s vision. “I killed him...” he repeated again, quieter.

“How long were you all standing there?” Ianto continued, nodding towards the passageway, calmer than he was earlier.

Toshiko must have taken pity on him because she answered sounding as if she had been crying a little, “Us three were only here from when you were hugging the pizza girl.”

Ianto nodded and returned his gaze to Jack, “And you?”

“I followed straight after you left.”

“So you saw...?”

“Yes.”

“And you heard...?”

“Yes.”

“How... How is that possible? How did she still have the memories?” Tears continued to run down the Welshman’s face.

“I don’t know, Ianto,” Jack replied, softer than earlier.

There was silence and Ianto took the opportunity to regain his breath to a somewhat more regular pattern.

“The body’s around the corner. It looks... horrible. She tried to convert him into a Cyberman but it didn’t work. It’s... under a cover. That’s when I broke down and realised that it had gone too far. When I told her that she’d ruined everything. I... I ordered Lisa never to use it again and told her to stay in that room unless I said that she could leave. She looked apologetic! She looked like she was sorry! But when I came back, she had broken both the rules I had given her.

“Gwen, I am so sorry. I swear, I never meant for this to happen to you. To any of you. I just... I just wanted her back. He said he could make her human again...”

“It’s okay, Ianto. I forgive you. Everything will be-”

Suddenly, Jack interrupted Gwen, “Show us the body.”

Silently, Ianto nodded and gathered the strength to leave the room under his own steam. He led the team to where he had put the body and then scrambled to the edge of the room and hid his face behind one hand and used the other to point towards where the body was.

“I don’t want to see him again. Please don’t make me.”

Owen tentatively moved forwards and lifted the fabric off the corpse. All four lookers on made a face at the sight.

“This is... This is wrong.” Owen finally concluded.

“That’s what would’ve happened to me...” Gwen realised, “Thank you for turning the power off so quickly, Tosh.”

“So _that’s_ why you wanted it off...” Tosh murmured to herself.

“Owen, dispose of the body. Tosh, make sure all the power and the circuitry is back to normal and then you can all go home. Ianto, come with me.” Jack turned away and began to walk back to his office.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” the man in the corner said from nowhere.

“Sorry?” Jack turned back, confused.

“Earlier, I mean. I know why you had to do it – I just... didn’t want you to. You’re not the monster – I am.”


End file.
